THE POEM CALLED LIFE

...for Life to turn topsy turvy :( June brought in too much of news. And today am not the same person I was one month ago. Life isn't complete and peaceful as it used to be. My dear father had a surgery and is still recovering. It pains to see, the strong man who held my hand when I took my first steps,all frail and tired. God is my only way. And I surrender..... PS.In life's hardships you learn and mature....but I would have preferred to have matured in a happier way....maybe I took life too easy...maybe am the one who faltered....sigh.

When every blogable moment passed I sighed. I couldn't get to the computer to update. And the moment vanished. Nope I really don't have a little note to jot down the event. Maybe I should start doing that. My Acha wasn't feeling very good and had a little surgery and around the same time my Amma had a fall and sprained her leg. Had my dear Anna and Valliachan to help me out though. They came down from Trivandrum at the right time and were of great help all through the dull moments. I was shuttling between hospital and home....My parents had a tough time ...went through a lot of pain...I hate to see them hurt....God got us across the hurdles ....Thank God and for all the Angels who helped us through the ordeal. Acha blames it on 'Sani''s transition and Amma on carelessness....I just think that its bad luck but find it reliveing that I got the oppurtunity to look after both my parents ...though I did have moments of anger and frustation...which I regret now. I...

Not many people in the world love you unconditionally...Atleast for me ..not many...I have realised that only my Amma and Acha have the unselfish love that even I cannot show as a parent to my child. I am blessed to have them as my parents and there isn't a minute in my life that I fail to understand that and be thankful for that. Unselfish Love is so so scarce and I have it in 2 ppl....I am guilty of being selfish even to those 2... out of sheer laziness that is... I find that they are very good human beings. They love without expecting to be loved...which is very very difficult in my case. I can't bear it when love isn't reciprocated. I can love an enemy or a stranger because I seek and find some good in every soul ...BUT I can't love somebody who knows me well if that person hasn't shown me instances of love or has shown me instances of hate.....I have the patience ....but for how long....there is a point when i tend to never forget the misdoing or undoings...

Life has become slightly hectic....a mad rush...not that it was any better before but then the effects of not being able to do the things I love is starting to surface.... I can't read the magazine section of the daily paper ( the only pages I read :)...) I can't chit chat sweet nothings to my friends I can't relax.... I can't jus stay for a sec not thinking about what next.... I keep saying 'yedhu cheyan' ( what to do ) with no perfect reason making ppl wonder why am so out of the world in the wrong sense that is I can't get the time to take my lil one to the places he loves (yeah a mummy crime* that is) I can't really get myself interested in coochie cooing with M  even though he somehow finds the time to..poor thing I can't be the daughter I want to be After all these can'ts....I don't have any satisfaction in what am doing What's the point ...I think.... Am I running to Stay in the same place.. Or is my running taking me...

Childhood had me in the best of character. Seriously. Now I feel so not-so-good.As one gets exposed to a greater part of mankind one can't keep up to being an angel anymore. Atleast in my case that has happened. I have no idea from where all those yucky traits such as jealousy, anger, incompatibility, suspicions, doubts, insecurity and many more just crept into me. It feels miserable. My parents adviced me that it isn't good for the mind and body. that's something I know. But I am truly human and ain't God to just let go and bear up with things that happen all around me! I always keep telling that it isn't tough to leave all worldly pleasures and pains and be a saint. The challenge is to remain a saint amidst the chaos and characters that surround you in the real world like my parents. They qualify a 101%.I tried and miserably failed....stopped trying since I feel it feels much better being what you really feel like being rather than suppressing your feelings. Y...