Thursday, March 31, 2011

The End

Death is such a scary thing
Especially when it happens around you
One of our clients passed away two days back
There have been many deaths in the last few months
They were all equally shocking
So sudden
I cannot console any person who has lost a loved one
I don't believe in such consolations
The loss is a loss and nobody can live the same after the loss

Ps. Death is something only humans have to deal with...Why God Why?

Saturday, March 26, 2011


However much we try to to be independent there are times when we need somebody. True. But in my case there's more to it. I am not the independent type. I have been brought up to be very dependent. I am still the laughing stock of many of my friends because I need to go through a whole range of 'sanctions' before I can do anything.

Sometimes it is irritating when you think " Hey I am 30+ and still need to inform people on what I want to do and am doing." No not sometimes...lately I have been thinking about this most of the time.But I don't have the drive to break free. Its rather comfortable when you have people around whom you can blame your decisions or inabilities on. That's exactly what stops me from being independent.

I do envy people who work around doing all they want to and much much more. I realise that I can be one of them very easily if and only if I break the strong self constructed cage I have put myself into.Initially this cage was created and guarded by others around me but today I safely remain in it even though I can open it and fly high.

Ps. Isn't it a crime to know one's mistake and just remain........? 

Monday, March 21, 2011

Where am I heading?

I just read a friend's blog about feeling unsettled. I feel very much the same. Except that she was settled but felt that there was something more she needed to do and I am totally unsettled in every angle that exists.

Home front : We are still looking out for an apartment. With so many requirements in mind its impossible to get one. We vacated our flat last week and dumped all our stuff at Amma's place.

Office front: Haven't been doing much of good work lately. Everything I do is either pending approval, gets scrapped or is totally wrong. I have been getting frowns and complaints from all sides.

Health front: Put on oodles of weight. The discomforts that come with the flab are taking over my once energetic life.I remain a silent spectator,my mouth filled with food always.

Clutter here, Clutter there, Clutter Clutter Everywhere!

Ps. Wonder where to start ?? *A totally confused me

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Systems and Relationships

Parents -Kids
In western countries children are independent even before they finish their primary education. They earn and support themselves at a very early age. They move out or the parents request them to move out of the house and find their own place when they are 18. Why doesn't this happen in India? Here the parents plan for their child's future and save for the kids. They live their whole lives building their child's future.Is this right?

My Opinion - The western trend is good in a way.But there should not be any alienation. I feel the child has to be independent but has to grow up within the network of the family bonds. The concept of the family must not be lost.The parents need to understand to live their life to the fullest so that they don't expect too much from their children and vice versa.

Family System
Ages ago when families were large the joint family system did work. The wives maintained the home and children while the husbands worked and managed the finances. Now a days, with nuclear families and  double earnings in the rise, the concept of joint family has met its end. Couples prefer to live on their own. Is this good or bad?

My Opinion - I feel it is unnecessary to put myself in a situation wherein my relationships might get strained. In a joint family these kind of situation are very common even though the people involved might be cordial and good willed. I often remember Visu's movie in which Lakshmi requests "Let us be in separate houses and gather during family functions or the like.Then there will be more peace and harmony"

Husband and Wife 

The joint family system brought the husband as the independent bread earner and the wife as the dependent bread maker.And they were the perfect couple. Now the wife is educated, earns her living and has a mind of her own.What does a perfect couple mean today?

My Opinion - The advantage of the age old model was the love that existed between the couple. Couples today sadly have a very calculated form of love.There are couples who divide their family responsibilities, couples who are singly handle the responsibility and couple who don't have any sort of plan. Amidst the combination there are happy couples, fighting couples and matter-of-fact couples Some are content with their plan some are not.Is it right for men to be stuck in the system that existed 4 decades ago? Women have changed but only  a few men have digested the fact that women have changed.Am not blaming the man alone. The ego is the culprit. Where there is ego there is downfall.Both man and woman should respect each other's space,interests and shortcomings only then will they be a perfect couple. Tuff na?

In India we serve our parents.We believe that it is our dharma to do it.Parents who have lived their total life helping us in every stage need to be cared for.The sons looked after their parents while the daughters their Inlaws.So what happens to the family with only girls? They look after themselves. I guess that's where the  demand for the boy child rose :)

My Opinion - Today the dharma still exists in our minds.The elderly parents of today have toiled for the well being of their children who are adults now.We are in a very sensitive intersection of time.But I hope to get my future right. When the world changes so will my kids. The kids will have to live their life and we ours.    

Ps. If you try to draw a line through each point the role of the woman comes through. It is her changing role that has caused the system and relationships to change.Thought he old system brought in alot of peace in the system I think the challenge lies before both the woman and the man to make the present scenario peaceful as well :)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Stories - All Aflame

All Aflame

Preetham and the whole of his territory was being tormented by the fiercely shining cruel summer sun. As he stood there gazing at the source of discomfort he pulled out his arsenal one by one. It was going to be a tough day.  

He knew his administrative center would be sweltering but it was his childhood blaze to be a ruler. His region may have been minuscule but what mattered was the power he possessed. The authority he held. He was proud to be who he was and it showed in his apparel and his mannerisms.

The well maintained moustache he often fiddled with when he caught an offender contrasted his receding hairline that exposed his glaring scalp. His crown offered some cosmetic balance. One wondered whether his expansive limbs made his tummy seem fuller than full or the restrictive paunch made his limbs look overworked.          

If it was not for him, his jurisdiction would be in total chaos. Everyday he directed his wards on how and when they were to proceed to their independent goals. On some days there were obstacles that would ruin his plans and routines. But he was always well equipped. Twenty years of experience in different regions had bestowed upon him the foresight to resolve contentious issues even before they crystalised.

Ram looked hot and handsome in a maroon and cream kurta. So did Iqbal in his sequined purple shirt and boot-legged jean. Shankar in formals didn’t have any plans to attend his ex-crush Farah’s wedding until his mates gate crashed and distanced him from his cool cozy office cabin into the sultry exterior. They enticed him with the heavily seasoned Hyderabadi biriyani and ghee oozing warm carrot halwa they would indulge in at the Nikah.

Shankar’s sizzling aerodynamic Yamaha Libero G5 took off exactly ten minutes before its sturdy drum brakes were tested. “Please Sir. Just this one time” pleaded perspiring Shankar as Preetham Raja, Traffic Inspector of P1 Pulianthope signal undauntedly wrote out a ticket for Rs.100/- under section 122 of The Motor Vehicles Act. “Triple riding is an offence. Pay up and one of you take the bus.” he sternly commanded, while focus on his terrain continued unabated like the scorching sun.         

Monday, March 7, 2011

Stories - Kasthuri Bhai

Kasthuri Bhai

The door bell rang as I expected it to at half past eleven. I lay there on my bed unsurprised by the new entrant into my overcrowded room. The day was almost half done but my mundane chores remained undone. She was preparing for the next thirty minutes of fun. At least that’s what she called it.

While her concoction was being warmed she changed from her vivid attire to a rather uninteresting costume. In the meantime I reluctantly undressed myself baring my over sized engraved self to the chilly breeze that managed to gush through the door that let her in. She banged the door shut and barged towards me with her potion.

Drawing her hands together she bowed before me. For any other person the whole procedure might be relaxing but for me it was an ordeal. She made it a point to plait all my muscles and weave my nerves. Her hands caressed every single atom I was composed of. She proved her years of practice on my flesh. I was happy when she splashed boiling water on me because that concluded the session of torture for the day.

And then it was his turn. She effortlessly stripped and drenched him in the still warm liquid she prepared. He did enjoy it more than I did. He was surprised at how she knew all his weak spots. She did not heed when he protested on her handling certain areas even I didn’t dare to explore. I hated her for that. I know he hated her too. But we couldn’t question her expertise.

Wrapped in fresh sanitized clothes both of us lay in bed again while she changed her outfit. She resumed her story from where she had left it the previous day. My attention span ran to exactly two minutes after which my eyelids found reasons to shut. He was having his usual drink after which I was sure he would have his siesta. He was least interested in listening to her animated tale. She sipped her hot drink and told me how satisfying her job was for her and for her regulars. I gave her a faint smirk and nodded in agreement.

She neatly packed up all her mixtures, cleaned the stained utensils, positioned them on the sun sprayed window sill and gave me the most cheerful smile for the day. She had made some not so spicy brinjal curry, dhal and rice at six in the morning before she left to attend to her first prey. Her bedridden husband will be waiting for her. We were her last clients before lunch. She will have four more victims after three.

Innumerable wet and dry nappies, three musical rattles, two soggy teddy bear stamped rubber sheets, one blue umbrella mosquito net with two holes, few milk stained towels, a couple of barely read books, blue bed sheets and clothes formed my environment for the past ten days. I wished I could doze off amidst all the clutter. But I had ‘feed time’ on the log sheet prepared and he was having his fill.

“All your baby fat will vanish in twenty days kannamma and raja will grow into a strong boy. I will be back tomorrow.” said Kasthuri Bhai our local masseur. She opened the door again. This time letting in the aroma of a sumptuous protein and calcium rich lunch that would wake any drowsy lactating mother in the neighborhood. And for the first time my face bore a genuine smile.

PS. My first short story.Usha has been my inspiration. She is my guru and is doing the painful task of editing my stories.