Monday, September 28, 2009

To Love, Laugh and Hug

Life has become slightly hectic....a mad rush...not that it was any better before but then the effects of not being able to do the things I love is starting to surface....

I can't read the magazine section of the daily paper ( the only pages I read :)...)
I can't chit chat sweet nothings to my friends
I can't relax....
I can't jus stay for a sec not thinking about what next....
I keep saying 'yedhu cheyan' ( what to do ) with no perfect reason making ppl wonder why am so out of the world in the wrong sense that is
I can't get the time to take my lil one to the places he loves (yeah a mummy crime* that is)
I can't really get myself interested in coochie cooing with M  even though he somehow finds the time to..poor thing
I can't be the daughter I want to be

After all these can'ts....I don't have any satisfaction in what am doing
What's the point ...I think....
Am I running to Stay in the same place..
Or is my running taking me nowhere

Sheesh!...Am exhausted living this mechanical cluttered life....

Ps. If there be a reason to live let it be to love and laugh.....maybe hug too :D

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Being an Angel

Childhood had me in the best of character. Seriously. Now I feel so not-so-good.As one gets exposed to a greater part of mankind one can't keep up to being an angel anymore. Atleast in my case that has happened. I have no idea from where all those yucky traits such as jealousy, anger, incompatibility, suspicions, doubts, insecurity and many more just crept into me. It feels miserable.

My parents adviced me that it isn't good for the mind and body. that's something I know. But I am truly human and ain't God to just let go and bear up with things that happen all around me! I always keep telling that it isn't tough to leave all worldly pleasures and pains and be a saint. The challenge is to remain a saint amidst the chaos and characters that surround you in the real world like my parents. They qualify a 101%.I tried and miserably failed....stopped trying since I feel it feels much better being what you really feel like being rather than suppressing your feelings.

Yes I know its about being good in the first place . So where is the question of supression you ask me. That thought just came into my mind. Hmmmm woow now that's really tough. If I wasn't a polluted person in the first place then it would be easy but now .....

PS. Being an Angel ...2 steps towards brings me 3 steps away always....but to the good am good that's about how close I could get to being the angel....:)  

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Furnish Hope

Its almost 2 yrs since we shifted to our apartment and we still haven't furnished it fully. Until a few months back the reason was achu my son. I was a bit scared of putting in stuff that would hurt my active kiddo. Though M thought I was being too careful and overprotective.

Now achu has grown and we thought of moving on from living out of a suitcase. M and I shopped for a wardrobe which might be delivered at any point of time (for the past 20 days and the shop's representative has a 'not reachable' status). We received a 'Regret for delay' SMS yesterday. Atleast ...some hope!

Yesterday we went to some local furniture shops in search of a shoe rack but landed up buying a dressing table Neat one for the price.When it reached a littke confusin in handling and 'bang' the mirror panel just broke. Sheeeshhhh!

Now are we destined to live a unfurnished life or what??????

PS. Will take it as a challenge to furnish our home before the end of this month....yeah yeah add it to the list will ya

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Mind that Forgets

My memory has been bad for a long time now. Nope I don't blame it as one of the post-pregnancy effects since I very much remember I had this trait right from school. One forgets only if one has initially put it into the brain. In my case I  am pure lazy to even enter certain stuff into those grey cells of mine.Maybe am being too indifferent. That's me. Take it or leave it.

Sometimes I forget what I really need to remember. The real need arises when my forgetfulness hurts another. That's when I feel like hitting myself. Especially when the affected person calls me insensitive. I hate that.One of the ppl I hurt most of the time happens to be my dear mom. I love her so much yet there are these instances where I forget what she tells me to do and she does get upset about it.

- Names ( I generally mention it to the person am introduced to that I might ask them their name the next we meet)
- Dates ( note them as and when they are announced IF the calender is at arm's length)
- Things to do for the day ( lists work only when exhaustive but they end up being inclusive infinitely)

- Work ( Now that's serious since my memory loss might cause monetary losses to clients)
- Return calls ( while clients are satisfied with replies such as " was on another call" or " mobile was outa charge" Relatives.need a more creative reason.)
- ok I forgot what else to add to this though I know there are heaps of things I am forgetting to do at this very moment 



Hope I don't spend my whole life trying to start that war against every demerit I possess.....

Ps.Why is that my memory doesn't fail when I think about the ills ppl have done to me. They asked me to forget and proceed in life but I have a scene by scene photographic memory of every such incident that it makes me tuff to be my good self to these ppl....is this one more battle to conquer.....or lose ???????


 

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Friends are all that I have got....

My friends mean so much to me. Being an only child I guess the void of not having a bro or sis has made me place my friends in that space. I have met the best of ppl and have found out through experience that it is the most comfortable and true relationship two individuals can share.

No other bond is so understanding. There are expectations and disappointments but the acceptance rate is much high in friendship. You tend to forget the faults...or barely see the faults of a friend...u enjoy the time u spend with them and appreciate everything good in them...Even during the worst of times if u have a friend to share it u are consoled.

Don't really know if having a bro or sis would be the same.Often feel jealous of ppl having a sis or bro. And scared of not having one.

Have made so many friends in my lifetime.....

Some I have know all thru my childhood
Some only a few months old
Some who I haven't spoken to for years
Some I cherish
Some I have lost and yearn to find someday

I know they will be there for me ...when I need them...Not because I am a perfect friend...but because I have been a friend...

Friday, September 11, 2009

Save that for another day

There are so many things I want to write about...Sometimes I feel it would be so good if I could just voice out what I have to type....Yeah MTs will tell me they have softwares that do jus that...


- About how dear my paretns are to me....I really want to put it down in words....
- On my school friends and days....was planning to write a book someday ...don't know when
- then there are the times when I felt down and wanted to scream at the whole world
- about annoying ppl.....don't know if I'll ever get the courage to write that down ...since words are to be carefully handled...it may cost more than it meant....
- of the great expectations of ppl around u and how they see u ....'u' is me here...

Someday this space will have all my thought in real time.....lotsa catching up to do....

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Project - Unclutter Life

Today (09.09.09) marks the beginning of the end to living a cluttered life......

My Office room is first in the line....and yes I fairly did a neat job....
- shredded alot of paper I thought I couldn't take the next breath without and now I can breathe better
- Changed the direction of my Table ...have to check whether its vasthu friendly.....
- cleared up my files and updated alot of pending stuff....well...this doesn't stop right here...it jus spills over every time....the neverending job I guess....

What next?....
have planned a few adjustments and additions to my room....to enhance the interiors of my lil room and make it more 'me'....

Ps. My cousin sis had a dream which had 09.09.09 Chennai written on a paper amidst a pile of papers ...now we all know what that meant :)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The why-s in my life.....

Why is it that when a women plans she has to consider umpteen number of  happenings during her absence from the normal life line while the man doesn't even have a plan....instant-o experiences-o !!!!!!!!

Why is that the gal is expected to adjust while the man jus remains......

Why is that I don't feel so empowered even though I am ....I feel guilty to use the power....!!!!

Why am I born with a wanna-achieve head and a laid back physique

PS. This blog is updated from time to time....cause I question 


 

Friday, September 4, 2009

September here I come

September has to give me a chance to do what I want to do….I have to fight against none but myself to achieve my  yrs old to-do list.Yes if my list had a birth certificate it would be very much older than my son!!!!!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I Hate the dentist today like yesterday and tomorrow

Wanted August to end the way I wanted to – Me receiving the ‘Achiever of the Month Award’ for ticking most …all of the to-do items but God thought otherwise…

August ended with this.....  but hey I managed to VISIT THE DENTIST ….yes I did…
  • On the eventful Thursday I fixed an appointment and prayed  they cancelled it or I cancelled it due to the reason of unforeseen fear gripping every single nerve in my system…but both didn’t happen
  • I got into the car instructed my driver ..{ my husband was on my phone (actually my dad’s cell I borrowed since mine had a 0.24ps balance – it still has jus that) giving instruction since I know Chennai roads jus like I knew them when I first came here at 2 ;) }
  • Ok we took the wrong turn….which is the right turn…let’s go back home …my mind shouted in glee…redirected we were at the dentist’s …
  • We reached …God we reached … MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> Had to be there by 5.30pm ….hmmm am there at 5.32pm…impressed?...I am of course cause only I know the fear this heart holds and how late I could have been…(honestly am 4 yrs late though)
  • The receptionist a cute girl gave me a form to fill up…my hands were a bit shaky so I took a few minutes to relax before jotting down my details....she scanned through the form and
She asked: “Madam age correct-a?”
Me: “Ehhh! Yes Correct-dhan”
She: “It seems 10 years older”
Me: “ HeHeHe…No no I am actually that old”
  •  Makes me wonder if this is a gimmick they play with all the tensed to-be patients….infact the whole conversation did cool my head and heart a bit. This one never fails does it.
  • Ok, so they called out my name …yes they did and I saw gals with the best teeth ever all over the place …the docs, the attendants, the pics on the wall….everybody had good teeth …then why was I in bad luck?
  • Eeks the chair I hate …My doc looked into my mouth and almost fainted....It seems I needed THE works ( Btw my  senior dentist told me I don't look as old as my numeric age...ta-da so its the take off line  of the season I guess...baah so much for momentary bliss...infact was wondering why he didn't mention  my teeth  looked 3 times my age)….If I was to explain all what my dentist told me I would need to write a book…..... but for the crux of it take a peek
    On 27.08.2009 I bravely went to the place I didn’t want to go….though there are more painful meetings with the dentist in the near future I am truly proud I took the first step towards self –improvement :D ( grinning  with advanced therapy clean teeth et al )

    Wednesday, September 2, 2009

    Loving Life and God more than ever.......

    • Last friday my son came back from school with high fever...jus when I was happy he went thru one whole week of school without a frown on face
    • took him to Apollo where his pediac practises...he was too busy so took him to emergency and another doc asked us not to worry since he only had a fever and cold..prescribed medicines and sent us home
    • His temperature remained high and he developed a sore throat by evening and pain in the joints... and we we were so scared and rushed him back to get HIS pediac to see him...but he was still busy and we had his assistant look at my son....he again prescribes some more antibiotics ....and sent us away...this time we asked him if we had to suspect the swine flu...and the doc jus mentioned that he doesn't think its the swine and that if the fever and sore throat gets worse we could check for swine
    • I was so scared and my little one was boiling ....we wiped his body with water all thru the night and force fed some milk and water ...poor fellow was hungry but couldn't bear the pain....even typing this here brings me horrible memories of his desperation.....I hated the experience of jus sitting there not being able to help him in any way....
    • saturday didn't bring in much difference...he was hot and his throat sore as ever....now i couldn't even force feed him for his pain made me shiver....we didn't want to take any chances....so we drove to King Institute Guidy and gave his swabs for testing...they said the results will come only by tuesday!!!!!!...we gave him some homeo medication as well
    • by evening we were so worried we spoke to a couple of known docs and my aunt ....we even thought of going to bharat scan for another swab since they would give the result by monday morn which saves 2 whole days...
    • we consulted a pediac ( no.2) close by and he said its ok and we will wait till tuesday and he gave some other medicines which we opted for instead of the first prescription
    • in between this there were so many incidents that made us more worried and exhausted
    • By sunday his temperature got normal....but his sore throat refused to decrease....he was hungry and wanted so many things ...but couldn't eat....he ahd milk and showed signs of normality....
    • Monday morn we took him to pediac 2...and he said he was fine and there were jus throat sores which will take sometime to settle....he started eating bland food ...had his medicines...and was slowly recovering...
    • by tuesday we were all happy to see our boy play all the games he used to play....and in the evening we got the report from guindy stating he was negative for H1N1....a biiiig sigh of relief.....
    My ordeal was small....but my son went thru so much.....I am back now after my little tiff with life .....
    The incident has added so much into my mind ....

    • every moment u spend in life...spend it wise....
    • Laugh alot....
    • Love always...
    • Pray
    • Life can get u upside down in jus secs .....so live every moment to the fullest...
    • Do what u have to do today....
    • may be if things weren't the way things are today i wouldn't have blogged this way...but am happy I am blogging and life is normal once again....
    Today the world isn't the perfect place I want my family,friends and me to live in.....but with ppl who love me around gives me the courage to live....
    thx to my sisters in here who called me during those moments of darkness and gave me the power to hope for light....
    Today am loving life and God more than ever.......