Thursday, March 10, 2011

Systems and Relationships

Parents -Kids
In western countries children are independent even before they finish their primary education. They earn and support themselves at a very early age. They move out or the parents request them to move out of the house and find their own place when they are 18. Why doesn't this happen in India? Here the parents plan for their child's future and save for the kids. They live their whole lives building their child's future.Is this right?

My Opinion - The western trend is good in a way.But there should not be any alienation. I feel the child has to be independent but has to grow up within the network of the family bonds. The concept of the family must not be lost.The parents need to understand to live their life to the fullest so that they don't expect too much from their children and vice versa.

Family System
Ages ago when families were large the joint family system did work. The wives maintained the home and children while the husbands worked and managed the finances. Now a days, with nuclear families and  double earnings in the rise, the concept of joint family has met its end. Couples prefer to live on their own. Is this good or bad?

My Opinion - I feel it is unnecessary to put myself in a situation wherein my relationships might get strained. In a joint family these kind of situation are very common even though the people involved might be cordial and good willed. I often remember Visu's movie in which Lakshmi requests "Let us be in separate houses and gather during family functions or the like.Then there will be more peace and harmony"

Husband and Wife 

The joint family system brought the husband as the independent bread earner and the wife as the dependent bread maker.And they were the perfect couple. Now the wife is educated, earns her living and has a mind of her own.What does a perfect couple mean today?

My Opinion - The advantage of the age old model was the love that existed between the couple. Couples today sadly have a very calculated form of love.There are couples who divide their family responsibilities, couples who are singly handle the responsibility and couple who don't have any sort of plan. Amidst the combination there are happy couples, fighting couples and matter-of-fact couples Some are content with their plan some are not.Is it right for men to be stuck in the system that existed 4 decades ago? Women have changed but only  a few men have digested the fact that women have changed.Am not blaming the man alone. The ego is the culprit. Where there is ego there is downfall.Both man and woman should respect each other's space,interests and shortcomings only then will they be a perfect couple. Tuff na?

In India we serve our parents.We believe that it is our dharma to do it.Parents who have lived their total life helping us in every stage need to be cared for.The sons looked after their parents while the daughters their Inlaws.So what happens to the family with only girls? They look after themselves. I guess that's where the  demand for the boy child rose :)

My Opinion - Today the dharma still exists in our minds.The elderly parents of today have toiled for the well being of their children who are adults now.We are in a very sensitive intersection of time.But I hope to get my future right. When the world changes so will my kids. The kids will have to live their life and we ours.    

Ps. If you try to draw a line through each point the role of the woman comes through. It is her changing role that has caused the system and relationships to change.Thought he old system brought in alot of peace in the system I think the challenge lies before both the woman and the man to make the present scenario peaceful as well :)

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